Regret. Those lingering thoughts and visions of past decisions made that, in retrospect, you wish you could take back . And then you dwell on them and let your mind wander into the “could ofs, would ofs and should ofs.”
Regret can keep you up at night.
For the past month, I’ve been waking up in the morning, usually around 3 or 4am, with deep regret. Regrets over ministry, regrets about choices, regrets that plague me. Haunting dreams, even nightmares have shrouded my visions in the night.
One day recently I got fed up with the hauntings. I got angry. Yes, that’s a good word—angry. The scriptures speak of being angry but not sinning. It was like that. I got so angry at the haunting feelings, the accusations, that I preached to myself. I preached to me.
I’m a born preacher. My father is a retired preacher. My brother is a preacher, and I think if my mother had wanted to be a preacher she would have been a darn good one. So, I was born to preach. And I used my gifting on myself…in the shower.
Preaching in the shower is a good pulpit. No one hears you, you’re standing up—which is the best position for a preacher—the warm water invigorates you, and when you’re done, you feel all cleaned up.
That’s what I did. I preached to myself. I preached the cross, the finished completed blood washed cross over myself. I preached Colossians 2 over regret. This is what I said to regret; this is what I said to the demon of regret (and I do think there are demons of regret),
Steve, you once were dead in the sins of your flesh, you were once dead to regret. But Jesus has made you alive together with Him, having forgiven you all your sins and all your regret. The past is the past and it is done, wiped away, forgiven. At the cross Jesus wiped out the handwriting of accusations that were against you. They are now as far from you as the east is from the west! Jesus has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. Jesus has disarmed principalities and powers, and He has triumphed over them. You are free! You are forgiven! You can dream again!
I felt the Lord’s presence come over, wash me, cleanse me. I really did. I felt His closeness, His love, and His awesome power.
I walked into that shower with regret and I walked out with restoration. I’m dreaming again. I’m free. Indeed I feel free. I have a rejuvenated faith. I feel as though I’ve been born again, again.
On the Road,
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