Reliving our confusing story isn’t easy. When we are in the middle of it, at the center of the storm, we don’t understand what’s happening. Margaret Atwood writes in Alias Grace, “When you are in the middle of a story it isn’t a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood; like a house in a whirlwind, or else a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard powerless to stop it. It’s only afterwards that it becomes anything like a story at all.” Kind of like Dorothy in the hurricane.
It takes great courage to be honest about our rumbling life. To own up to our failings, to revisit our shame is the challenge of becoming wholehearted. The wholeheart life is one of being vulnerable about the discomfort and frustrations that have crippled our heart.
Curiosity may kill the cat, but it saves the soul. You see, we have two stories at work in our heart—the one we have told ourselves and the one God is revealing to us. Is the story we’ve been telling ourselves about our anger, hurt, and pain the right story? Or is there another story that God wants to remind us of? Our curiosity level determines our freedom.
We are all prone to self protect and self justify. But there is another story. What’s God doing in our most painful moment? The rumble begins when we become curious about why we do what we do and act a certain way. The rumble is connecting the dots of our sensations and emotions.
Most of us are driven by shame in our lives. Research has shown that 85% of people when asked about shame pointed to a school incident from their childhood. And they can quickly remember it! The research shows that this incident scarred them for the rest of their lives.
We care and nurture those stories, interpret them, and believe them. Often we have evaluated our lives according to what we were told by that teacher, coach, or parent. The rumble begins when we become curious about that incident and reevaluate the value placed upon it. When we realize that our worth is not defined by what was said and done is an uncomfortable rumble. Instead of blaming we own our story. Brene Brown in Rising Strong says “The goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we’re making up about struggles, to revisit.” Instead of living in shame, we reinterpret it according to the truth of God’s love.
It’s time to come out of the shadows and darkness and rumble with Jesus. Look back, face the shame, but interpret it from God’s view—you are beloved; you are worthy of His love. Let the rumble begin.
On the Road,
Steve
www.steveholtonline.org
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