All of us long for connection. God wired us to need each other. It’s why Jesus said the greatest of all commandments is,
“‘And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
The human heart needs relational contact with God and people. To be complete, to win in life, you must cultivate both. Intimacy with God only is an incomplete intimacy. Intimacy with people only and not God is also insufficient. We are wired as God imagers to long for and win through close contact with God and people. The following are what I believe to be the seven keys to building and maintaining long lasting winning relationships.
Key #1: Love God.
Your most important relationship on planet earth is not your mom, dad, wife, husband, or dog. The most valuable relational connection in this life is with the living God, made known through Jesus Christ. Loving God with all your heart takes a daily growing intimate relationship cultivated through Bible study, prayer, worship, meditation, and listening to God. He loves you and longs to have heart-to-heart communion with you. His love must be experienced through a daily dialogue with Him. In Psalm 84:2 David expresses this longing for a deep relationship with God, “My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” So, start each day opening your Bible and communing with Jesus.
Key #2: Be a Friend.
Don’t expect to have close winning relationships if you don’t start with being a friend. Be a friend before you expect to have a friendship. Being a friend means you initiate, you show love, you reach out first. This is about winning relationships, not just having friends. I would define a winning relationship as a connection with the person that brings a joyful, glorious, growing relationship. If that’s not happening in the relationship, it’s incomplete.
Key #3: Listen More.
Most of us talk too much. One of the most valuable aspects of building winning relationships is to learn how to listen more and talk less. The key to listening more is asking good questions. Let me challenge you to be curious about others and find out who they are through great questions.
Key #4: Make Eye-to-Eye Contact.
In conversation, people who are undistracted and give eye-to-eye contact win friends and build great relationships. A little tip: Don’t take your phone with you on dinner outings, coffee times, and other relational meetings. Work on being as undistracted and focused as you possibly can. Eye-to-eye contact expresses love to people.
Key #5: Use One’s Name.
The most important thing in someone’s life is their name. When we use the person’s name in our conversation with them, it cuts to the heart. Learning to pepper your conversation using the person’s name is invaluable for building rapport and expressing love.
Key #6: Be Unoffendable.
In every meaningful friendship, we get our feelings hurt. It goes with the territory that the more we open up and share our heart, the more opportunity there will be for offense. Learning the art of being unoffendable can be key in continuing to foster meaningful and powerful relationships that stand the test of time. Forgive quickly and move on.
Key #7: Express Appreciation.
Lastly, express appreciation to people. Very few people receive any positive feedback in their life, and when we share positive and uplifting words to people, it picks up their spirit and gives them encouragement. Expressing appreciation builds courage into others.
All of us can have winning relationships in our life. It does take effort, yet it’s so worth it. If you desire to have winning relationships, I challenge you to incorporate these seven qualities into your life.
Pastor Steve
