Excerpt from Breakthrough Courage: 9 Habits to Conquer Fear and Build a Brave Heart
My Grandmother Lucille was an intriguing woman. Born and raised in a small town, she was the daughter of one of the leading educators and poets in North Carolina. We vacationed at her home once or twice a year, and I adored her spacious library, where I spent much of my time.
Though she grew up as the privileged daughter of a famous father, her life was anything but easy. She married a man, Arnold Holt, who turned out to be an abusive alcoholic. Lucille chose to do something that was considered unforgivable in the religious South of the 1930s, and divorced him.
As a single mother, Lucille was reduced to working in a shoe store. Life was hard, but her effervescent attitude and tireless work ethic made a positive impact on those around her. She later remarried a wonderful man who was twenty years her senior; that man passed away after ten wonderful years of marriage. Afterward, Arnold, now sober, reached out to Lucille, and they remarried. They happily spent the last twenty-five years of Arnold’s life together. All I ever experienced from my grandmother was absolute joy and a thankful spirit. She literally never talked about her painful past.
Just before she died in 1998 at the age of ninety-one, I interviewed Grandmother Lucille. I was impacted by her charisma and positive outlook, and thought it would be interesting to capture on paper some of her maxims about how to live life well before she passed. The following are just a few of her many thoughts:
I always take responsibility for my behavior. It is not anyone else’s fault. I take responsibility for all my actions: making the wrong friends, making bad decisions. I find it easier to forgive myself than others.
I don’t worry about too many things. Even at ninety-one years old, I don’t have those worry lines around my eyes.
As you get older, the days need to get shorter and the jobs easier. Stay optimistic.
Saying “My Anna,” “My Joe,” etc. as an endearing term. It shows love and friendship to the person.
Keep laughing at life. Being all stressed out and worried does no one any good.
Try being all worried and singing at the same time— you just can’t do it.
My grandmother modeled to our whole family a thankful spirit. She practiced gratitude. Her life had not been easy. She experienced shame, failure, and even had a nervous breakdown after her divorce. But she cultivated gratitude; she learned to “laugh at life” through difficulties. This last line from our interview made quite an impact on me: “Try being all worried and singing at the same time, you just can’t do it.” Lucille was right. If you’re sincere, you can’t do it.
As the years have passed and I have counseled and worked with all types of people, I have consistently found that those who practice gratitude are healthier, more positive, and better able to adapt to change. Researchers at Harvard University found that “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.”[i]
Gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, meaning “grace, graciousness, or gratefulness.” Habit 6 is practicing gratitude—or maybe we could say practicing grace. “Grace” in the Greek carries the meaning of unearned or unmerited favor. It’s the kind of love God extends to us for nothing we have done. Thus, the practice of gratitude is the habit of seeing God’s grace in a particular situation.
Pastor Steve
[i] “Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier,” Harvard Health Publishing, August 14, 2021, https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier#:~:text=In%20positive%20psychology%20research%2C%20gratitude,adversity%2C%20and%20build%20strong%20relationships.
